Sunday, February 20, 2011

Arrr, Matey!

Though I was born on the East Coast, my family moved to Ontario when I was four, and a good portion of my life has been lived in Ontario.  My brother and I went to elementary school in Blyth--me for seven years and my brother for three.  Then my parents bought their first home, on a farm just outside Brussels, Ontario, and my brother and I finished our elementary schooling in Brussels.

My dad was born outside Brussels and grew up in the area.  His mother and stepfather live in Brussels and are known by all (it's a town of around a thousand people, give or take in any census year) as upstanding citizens. 

My dad is a bit of a black sheep.  When his mother married his stepfather, things were fine until my first uncle was born, at which point my dad might have vanished and not been missed.  As a result he grew up very stubbornly independent.  He loves his mom and stepfather but hasn't always liked them very much.  He refused their financial help when it came time to go to college (and so never finished), then lied about his age and entered the navy.

He was in the navy when he met my mom and fell hard for her. 

My mom was born ninth of ten kids in small-town Newfoundland (Windsor, which is now part of Grand Falls-Windsor).  Her mother was second- or third-gen Canadian; her father was an Irish immigrant.  Her mom died at the tender age of fifty-two, when my mom was just ten years old.  She stayed with older siblings until she was old enough to work and support herself.  She moved from Newfoundland to Halifax, Nova Scotia, and there she met a nice boy who knocked her up and fled.  I was not quite two years old when my mom met my dad.

My dad, as I said, fell hard for my mom and campaigned hard for her heart.  He is also a huge sucker for little girls, and as a two-year-old I guess I was pretty adorable.


It wasn't long before my parents were married by my dad's ship's chaplain - my dad in uniform and my mom in a lovely blue gown.  There's a photo of them on that day but I don't have it; shall wangle it from the maternal unit when I can.

My dad's mother was, to say the least, unimpressed. She perceived my mother and me very negatively (just imagine--a Newfoundlander who already had a child!  Scandalous!) and that has never changed. She speaks civilly to us, but if we died I think she'd be happy.

So in grade seven I transferred to school in Brussels.  My teacher was close with my dad's mother and she disliked me from the first day.  She insisted on shortening my name (something I hate), and she made fun of any mistakes I made in class.  Needless to say, I didn't like her much either.  I ended up having her as my teacher for two years.  Two.  Very.  Long.  Years.

At one point in either grade seven or eight (it's all a blur) we were asked to create family trees, tracing our family lines as far back as we could.  I should mention here that all my life--even now--I've been a fabulous procrastinator.  I work best when faced with short deadlines.  Naturally, I left this particular project to the last minute, and the night before I had to hand it in I whipped something up.  My mom's side of the family I knew fairly well, so I went back a generation or two.  My dad's side, however, I didn't know.  Rather than ask my dad or his mother, I made stuff up.  In my wonderfully creative version of life, my dad's family were descended from cutthroats and pirates.

I handed it in without a second thought; one more project complete.

My mother got a phone call that week from my teacher, who wanted to schedule a meeting.  She was angry--genuinely angry--that I had dared to make up such nonsense about such a fine upstanding family.  My mother tried to keep a straight face in the wake of this righteous rage, but she failed once she was handed the project as proof of my shocking disrespect.  My teacher never got over it.  My mother was plainly the cause of my inability to integrate into decent society.

As I mentioned before, my maternal grandfather was an Irish immigrant.  In my little family history, as it turns out, I hadn't gone back far enough.  On that side of the family, my antecedents had in fact taken to piracy in reaction to English enslavement.  This discovery tickled me beyond belief and is my excuse for every rebellious thing I do:  it's genetic!

That said, I still don't regret applying the piracy to the other side of the family.  They deserve it.

Friday, February 4, 2011

A Bit About The Family

Like every family that got together during the 1970s and "grew up" in the 1980s, my family is a little bit cracked.  We're all crazy about one another, don't get me wrong; in a heartbeat we'd all take a bullet for one another.  But we are aware of our dysfunction, and able for the most part to laugh at it, to the point at which when The Simpsons made their first appearance on the Tracey Ullman Show, my brother and I took to calling one another "Bart" and "Lisa" (despite the reversal of ages). 

The other night, I called home, because I hadn't heard from the parentals all day.  Which is unusual for them.

Dad: [picks up] Hello?
Me: Hi, how are you?
Dad: Is everything all right?
Me: ...yeah, everything's fine.  Is everything all right with you?
Dad: Can we call you back?
Me: ...sure.
Dad: 'Bye. [hangs up]

Two hours later, my phone rang, and I answered.

Mom: Hi, how are you?
Me: I'm fine.  What's up?
Mom: Nothing.
Me: What was going on when I called earlier?
Mom: Oh, we were having [neighbours] over for dinner.
Me: ...Dad sounds very suspicious when he's trying to get me off the phone.  I was wondering if maybe he was in the middle of murdering you, and was having trouble with the fileting.
Mom: [hysterical laughter]

She then put me on speakerphone and demanded that I repeat all that for my dad's benefit.  Upon which he hollered "JACKASS!" at me over the speaker.

It's not an important conversation, but it really illustrates the kind of relationship I have with my parents.  We can say stuff like that about one another to one another, and no one's really offended.  We have a terrific sense of humour, though as dads do tend to do, my own thinks he's funnier than he is.

Me and my dad and my new Oscar. Dad's pretending to want Oscar. I was maybe six or seven years old. I love this picture of the two of us.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Where to Begin?

I am an ordinary person.  Very ordinary.  Some people think some of the things I've done are extraordinary; but that's only because they've never done these things, and in their minds they've created impossible ideals of who can do these things.

In comparison to friends of mine, who have gotten books published, or who have followed their dreams into comics, or who have the charisma to start community outreach groups, I am extremely ordinary and very unadventurous.

So why a blog about myself?

Part of it stems from the fact that I have a poor short-term memory, the result of a combination of physical injury and neurological issues that have since been resolved but which left their indelible mark on my brain.  Things crop up in my long-term memory that serve to delight me on recalling them, and I don't want to risk losing them again.  In addition as my parents age, I realise that without a record of some sort I'll lose all their stories, and their families' stories, if I don't write them down.

So the blog isn't about me, per se (that one's for you, Hanabi).  It's about the peculiar set of circumstances and genetics and social situations that served to produce my family (and me), in the hope that one day I'll feel brave enough to share my blethering with my family and we can all have a good laugh about the oddball family that we all recognise ourselves to be.

And if you're not a part of my family but you get a giggle out of reading some of our stories, that would be just fine with me.